Following the Flow of Your Life? Or Living Someone Else's Design?
"They are designing your life for you.”
The first time my colleague pointed this out to me, I did not have an issue with it. In fact, I did not really understand what she was pointing at. Someone else is hand feeding me incredible opportunities, why on earth would I not take them? I did not see it then. It took time to admit it, but eventually that pointed comment called me to consciousness. When it did, I started to notice. I started to notice where my frustrations lie. I started to consider what type of impact I wanted to have in the organization; in my community; in the world. I started to consider whether I could have that type of impact on the path I was on. I started to consider whether the platform I was being offered would actually allow me to deliver my message in the way that felt aligned to my being, or were there too many strings attached? Wait - what was my being? Did I know any more?
I started to pay attention. The excuses to cover up the stickiness and blockages did not hold up anymore. I began to see them as excuses. I began to consider the path before me. Like really consider it. What would my life look like? How would that fit with my own aspirations? What would I need to give up, in order to walk that path? And I began to realize that those words were true: My life was being designed for me. And what my colleague had graciously left unsaid, but became obvious to me, in retrospect, as I moved further away from the experience: I allowed my life to be designed for me. I tacitly contributed up until the point where the weight of her comment hit me. And from that point forward, because now it was conscious, I was explicitly contributing. Fuck.
What followed that realization was months of internal torture. Denial. Followed by "If I just…then I can make it work…" And eventually, "If this is true, than what? What else is there?" "Was I not just in flow with my life?" I asked myself. I had been following the opportunities. Taking the next step that presented themselves. Yes. I had been. It was true. In fact, many of the opportunities, I had actually created myself from the possibilities I could see. But somewhere along the way, thankfully not too far, I had become complacent. I was happy to stay small and create the opportunities within what I could see, instead of truly pioneering to seek what was outside of my sight. What was the larger change I could affect? What was out there, that I did not know about?
“If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space.”
There is this beautiful quote that a friend shared years ago that always resonated with me: "If you are not living on the edge - you are taking up too much space." I had been on the edge when I had begun with this organization and on this career path. I had worked hard, I had built a 'reputation' and a 'name' for myself. I had stretched to discomfort within that realm. And now, it dawned on me: I was taking up too much space.
Finally, after the mental cartwheels were exhausted, where I landed was smack back in the calm realization that even though I had no clue about where taking a divergent path would lead; I knew I had to take back my life. And I knew I had to do it as soon as possible. This meant turning away from the relatively clear path in front of me, and beginning the rocky, obstacle-strewn, trek of forging my own path through what I can only describe as the wilderness. I knew there would be really difficult days. I knew I would fall a lot. And I also knew, no matter what happened, it would be worth it.
I am a huge advocate for following the flow of your life. I think that is where our most fascinating stories and most monumental growth as humans comes from. In fact, one of my biggest life objectives always seems to be finding more 'flow' in my life. And, I caution that sometimes what we tell ourselves is 'following the flow of our life', is actually a cover for being swept away by someone else's design of our life. I would venture that if this story is resonating with you, you know the difference. I want to encourage you that sometimes it becomes imperative to put a stake in the ground and take a conscious step out of the current. Reflect on whether your career/role/project/opportunity-in-question truly feels expansive and aligned to you, or if what you are up to looks a lot like a path you have been told to walk. If you find it is the later, know that it is NEVER too late to take a step off the path, in a small way or a big way. It might look like a lot of work to redirect. It might feel to difficult to take back your life. I hear you and you are not alone. It is not easy. It takes courage. And I also know you have what it takes. You can step out of the current. You can choose different. You can take back your life.
Journal Prompts:
Have you been following the flow of your life? What has that looked like for you? How does it make you feel?
Is there anywhere that you have been consciously or unconsciously letting someone else design your path (career, role, project, other area)? Does that situation, whatever it is feel aligned to you?
If not, what steps can you take to make the situation feel truer to you?
Are you unsure? How can you take a step out of the current to make space for reflection and to more deeply consider the situation?
#ontheedge